." Ok babe....one thing. Do I need condoms?....bit cheeky, but....." Are you clean?" "Well...yes...course I am" Well then....fuck the condoms....get yourself hear, and be prepared....you ain't gonna get much sleep. Your warned!" Look forward to it....you sound....funny...you ok?" "Yes...I will be....by tonight I'll be fine. By tonight I'll be just....fine"Ooooo"Lesley...where the fuck have ya been, your an hour late" Dot asked Lesley when she clocked in at work. "And who the fuck put you in charge....your a fucking dish washer. Don't start on me!" "Oh sorry....something wrong?.... Just we're so short staffed....I'm having to give out meds.....a fucking dishwasher shouldn't be giving out meds....neither should you, I know, but there's no fucking qualified here to do it....Sylvia fucked off before Mary was due in and now, she's broken down....she should be in soon but....." I'll do it...sorry for shouting you out. I'm....stressed, that all....where do I start...who's not done." All of. I ran all the way into my bedroom, and sobbed into a pillow.What had happened to me? What was wrong with me. To kiss him as a game,sure, but to like it? Was I gay?I finally did something I had never done before, I began to examine my ownmind, gently and carefully poking around the edges.Who was I?Was I gay? I wasnt sure, but somehow, that didnt seem to fit.I started looking back at my life up until that point, and realized thatJohn was pretty much the only guy I spent any time with at all, andwhenever I could I preferred the company of girls, especially Anne andJill. When it was just the three of us, I felt ... relaxed. I had toldJohn I wanted to snuggle with Jill, but now looking at that feeling, Irealized I hadnt been totally honest.That what I had felt for Jill wasnt desire, but envy.I wanted to be like her. Like my sister Anne.No. That wasn't quite right either.I didnt want to be like them. I wanted to be seen as like them.Because I already was like them, on the inside.I .... I.
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